Which bear is best?
No, that's not really the question I have at all. But if you appreciate that reference we can be friends.
I am more interested in conducting a survey amongst all my married family and friends. I've been thinking a lot about getting married (I know that is probably shocking) and I have been wondering what are the most important things to talk about with my future husband before we tie the knot.
So, my questions are...
1. What is one thing you wish you would have talked about before getting married but never did?
or...
2. What was one thing you were most grateful you had discussed prior to marriage?
And I will thank you all in advance for participating in my little game!
18 comments:
I don't get the bear question. Can we still be friends? :) Well, you already know how important I think it is to discuss the pornography issue. I am also really glad that I found out before marrying Scott that he is truly committed to growth and change both as an individual and as a couple.
Talking about finance stuff and in-law issues. You both need to decide how you will handle things with your families while trying to establish yourselves. That may be easier for you to do since you live away, but for us that's something we are always working on.
I wish we would have talked more about parenting issues. Even if you don't plan on having kids right away, you need to be on the same page as far as how to raise the kiddos. I also agree with the in-law issues. We seem to struggle every holiday with which family to celebrate with. Good Luck!!
Yep, I think we argued most about families--he's the oldest--parents didn't quite want to give him up...it really is easier if you don't live close to both families though.
Other than that, I don't know. We pretty much agree on how to raise the kids. Although we might not in the future because he doesn't see a problem with buying them a car...I do. We'll see.
You need to talk about Christmas lights. Mary Ann likes the clear ones, I like the colored ones. We have yet to come to an agreement, I dont't think it would have been a deal breaker, but I certainly would at least have been prepared to have Christmas forever changed.
Um duh...intimacy.
beets. bears. battlestar galactica.
it's so hard to give marriage advice since every couple is so different. The best advice i ever got was to do the best you can to leave your expectations at the door.
so many of my fights were because i expected brent to know that he does the dishes when i cook or i expected him to know that i don't like to drive when he's in the car... really stupid stuff like that causes way bigger problems than i ever thought. expect nothing, that way when your husband comes through, it will always be a pleasant surprise.
I have no advice. I agree with Laura - every couple is different and you are going to face challenges and difficulties that are completely different than the things I deal with in my marriage. That being said, money issues cause lots of problems in marriage so talk about those things. But I'm sure you already knew that.
I can't think of anything we didn't discuss--we had a couple of years, after all! But nothing could have prepared me for the challenges, so I'll give you the advice we got from our bishop--money doesn't buy happiness, but neither does poverty. Best wishes!! Aunt Lynda
Jason and I talked a lot about issues that are common...ie. family, child raising, money, religion, etc. However, I think I was like Laura and expected him to be like so and so. The best advice I heard is to remember you are not adding a new chapter to your book, you are starting a whole new book together. You are way better at communicating than I am and I am sure that will be your advantage as issues come up.
Jon and I decided a long time ago that sometimes you just need to agree to disagree. There are some things you will not be able to "change" about your spouse no matter how much you may want to. That being said I think it's really important to discuss everything kid related: When you want to have them, how many, disciplinary actions, etc. Seeing as how children affect the REST OF YOUR LIFE I think it's fair to figure out your game plan before you recruit a team.
Lots of good advice already- I'd add be open in your communication and be open to change. Even though you know each other quite well and are mostly right with how the other person will think/react, sometimes they surprise you and it's okay. Try not to get lazy and always take good care of each other. I also wish I knew a queen sized bed is only 6 inches wider than a full bed.
Amen about bed size! Just save yourself the trouble and get a King.
I would even go a step further and say that you need a California King.
Only very tall people need a cal king, which is 4 inches narrower and 4 inches longer than a standard king.
LOL! Thanks Sandy for posing that question. And Mary Ann, I am shocked that you don't get The Office reference. I appreciate all the comments.
Great advice from everyone--so good to talk about intimacy and family planning, personal beliefs and questions, temptations, addictions, spiritual habits, earning and spending habits, etc. I'm sure you've talked about a lot of these things already, but being engaged opens up the door to being able to go deeper into all these issues. And of course when you're married you'll continue to talk about it all. So I would say, keep talking. Don't be afraid to bring up things you're thinking or feeling no matter how dumb or strange you think they are. That said, I think it's important to establish some rules for how you'll communicate in conversations. I mean rules like not using "mean words" when you're disagreeing with each other.
So all this serious talk is good, but being engaged can be a really sweet fun time. So I would add to talk about your dreams, your big ideas, your hopes and goals. Have fun dreaming and scheming together and don't stop doing that after the wedding day.
Thanks for posting the question, Sand, and giving us a chance to share. You are already a wise woman. I'm so excited for you!
So funny that people are all about the king beds. Seth and I have a queen and just stayed at a cabin with a king and Seth woke up the next morning and said that he doesn't like king because he feels like we are too far apart. I thought that was sweet:) Anyways, for sure talk about all your financial views and if either of you have any sort of debt at all. Even just a couple hundred bucks. It's always good to talk about what you will both expect out of each other as a husband, wife, father, mother, etc. Of course get on the same page about intimacy too. And don't get stressed about all the stuff to talk about. Just have fun with it!
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