These have been a rough couple of days for me. My patience is low and I haven't been handling myself very well.
Isaac had been sleeping so beautifully for the past couple of weeks that I almost forgot what it's like when he doesn't do so well. He's been crying and fighting his afternoon naps and bedtimes again and I don't tolerate it well. I get so annoyed and tired of the crying and I let it show.
My problem, not his.
He also is proving to be more difficult at feeding times as well. I think he is so frustrated because he wants to feed himself everything but really can't do the baby food from a spoon without assistance. And it's easier for me just to feed him. Well, mostly. Lately he is throwing more of a fit and spitting and just making an all around mess. And again, my tolerance for it is not high. We battle over the spoon and it's really quite ridiculous. And while he's nursing we battle over what he gets to grab or not. He's fascinated with the moles on my neck and grabs at them with his tiny fingers that pinch so easily. And it doesn't feel great for me. So I try to hold his hand and then he gets frustrated and doesn't nurse well. Then my frustration increases and I let it show. It's a bad cycle.
Also my problem, not his.
I find myself taking out my annoyance, frustration and lack of patience on a helpless almost 9 month old baby. And then I feel lousy. He doesn't know any better and I treat him like he should. I become more stern and I'm certain he can feel my disapproval and agitation. And I hate that. I'm not at my finest and my son hasn't even reached "the terrible twos."
So here's hoping for better days to come. Days filled with a more patient, loving mother instead of this current cranky-pants one.
Because let's face, I should know better.
4 comments:
I've felt the same way many times. It's honestly really hard for me to be patient and calm when I don't get a decent amount of sleep. I feel like a lot of days I'm just getting by and not doing everything I want to. PS the twos have been easier so far than the first years.
I guess you did jinx yourself blogging about his sleeping through the night. I have been very critical lately of myself, reading parenting books about all the things I should be doing and I am not doing, frustrates me sometimes. I think, as almost anything that is really important (ie. relationship with God, spouse, children) there are constant ways to improve and constant weaknesses to overcome. At times it seems overwhelming, but I know our Heavenly Father also knows the intents of our hearts and will help us and be understanding of our weaknesses. So, I keep repenting of the same thins and keep hoping in the long run I am becoming more patient with my kids and not less....
One other thing, I too was very particular about what my children grabbed while nuursing...some kids were easier to deter (can't figure out how to spell that word...deeter, deater, ???) than others, you just have one of the stubborn ones. Funtimes.
First of all, thanks for your comment on my blog. It makes me feel great. :)
Second, you're a great mom. EVERY mom gets frustrated, even with nine month old babies. Of course, I feels it's our problem and we need to learn patience. But a little bit of me thinks that it's ok to let our kids see us get frustrated occasionally. They learn very quickly what's expected of them, even at an early age. And when nothing's expected of them they become pretty unruly as they get a little older.
I hope this isn't misconstrued. I'm not saying it's ok to take out frustrations on a nine month old. But I think tones of voice and facial expressions teach them some behaviors aren't ok. That's my two cents. You're the best!
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